²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart;
       test me and know my anxious thoughts.

 ²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,
       and lead me in the way everlasting.

There’s plenty of room for anxious thoughts when you are living with a loved one battling addictions and/or mental disorders like PTSD.  Honestly, the strongest emotion I felt in the first few days after my husband was called to heaven was relief.  I was finally free from the anxiety of living under the hourly possibility he would give in to his addictions or have another episode.  The stress of always trying to be prepared to handle the next event can weigh pretty heavy.  Yet, our loving and all powerful God promises to provide everything you need.  He calls us to let Him to carry these burdens…in fact he has already done so. 

I was reading Psalm 139 this morning as part of a devotion for my grief support group.  This Psalm was a source of comfort and encouragement throughout the last year.  God had provided a  lesson last year which you may find encouraging.  One habit I developed was to stop and write down my anxious thoughts.  Then, I’d look for a verse of scripture describing this God I was learning to know and how he would handle the situation. 

Most of the time, I would realize how impossible/improbable it was for me to handle the source of the anxiety in my sinful nature.  This was followed by a learning of how different the situation was in the hands of the all-powerful, all-knowing, all-loving God I believed in.  You simply cannot know how immeasurably great God is, unless you know how miserably sinful you are.  How amazing and loving God is toward you and your loved one!  What a spectacular good has come out of this experience for me…I pray this understanding of God’s love becomes yours too and that He lead you in the way everlasting.

⁹They marched across the breadth of the earth and surrounded the camp of God’s people, the city he loves. But fire came down from heaven and devoured them. ¹⁰And the devil, who deceived them, was thrown into the lake of burning sulfur, where the beast and the false prophet had been thrown. They will be tormented day and night for ever and ever.

Revelations 14:4-5

They follow the Lamb wherever he goes. They were purchased from among men and offered as firstfruits to God and the Lamb. ⁵No lie was found in their mouths; they are blameless.

If you’ve studied or experience deep grief, you know guilt attacks fiercely along the way.  The last couple of weeks, I’ve been plagued with guilt.  Part of it was due to giving in to my selfish desires but looking back most of it was due to the devil creeping into my thoughts and deceiving me with questions of blame.  I made a mistake by keeping the doubts a secret.  I made a mistake by focusing to long on the blame my in-laws were pointing my way.  The secret took me captive.

The morning of my husband’s death…I prayed this prayer:

Lord, I am so weary and tired of this battle.  So is my husband.  Please give him peace…I know you’ve changed his heart and turned his faith toward you.  I know he’s your redeemed child.  If it is possible to give him peace, I’m ready but if you want me to continue to be the hands you use to share your word, encourage, and love him I’ll do what you will nothing more, nothing less.

By the time he made me aware he was having an allergic reaction, I’d forgotten the prayer.  I didn’t even think about the possibility he was going home to heaven when the ambulance left.  Yet, God chose that day to complete his plan of salvation for my husband and give him perfect peace.

I’m reminded this week this was God’s plan and His power.  At the same time, I’m reminded that peace is given us perfectly through the righteousness of Christ.  While I long to live without sin, I’m incapable of doing so.   Nothing I do will determine my place @ heaven’s gate…My sins are forgiven In Christ Jesus through his precious gift of salvation righteousness is mine…My good works, prepared for me in advance are not about my salvation.  So the magic word at Heavens Gate is “Jesus” not “Me”.

Lord, hem me in going behind me and before me as you did your faithful servant, David.  Protect me from the enemy Satan who plots to deceive me that I might live in the righteousness that you desire.  Lord, place a hedge around me from Satan’s tempation as you did your faithful Servant Job…that I may serve you and love you fully today.  Lord, help me not drag my feet when you ask to do the works you have prepared for me.  Thank you for giving my husband perfect peace throughout eternity.  Thank you for a portion of the peace which surpasses no understand and the freedom we have here on earth in Christ Jesus knowing that you have done it all. 

Fill my heart today with your Spirit for you promise you will give generously to those who ask.  Continue to grow my faith with a generous portion of your Spirit more than I need for my own life that I may be a servant of gospel today.

Encourage those who are living with a loved one battling addiction.  Grant them a rich measure of your Spirit, too.  May they enjoy the fruits of the spirit today.

“I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him.

James 1:5-7

⁵If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. ⁶But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. ⁷That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; ⁸he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

My opportunities for worry and doubt are very different today than when I was living with a husband battling his PTSD and multiple addictions.  These two verses of scripture were part of my mainstay.   As I experienced God’s mercy and grace, doubt began to slowly be erased by each answered prayer.   Doubt was replaced by faith and belief by God’s gracious hand.  His outpouring of the Holy Spirit and strengthening of my faith through prayer and scriptures was overwhelming.  This was the very foundation of the change in me making it possible through him to comfort my hurting husband.  By myself, it was not possible.

I am convinced this experience was the foundation of God applying his prescription for my own spiritual growth described in 2 Peter 1:3-9:

³His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. ⁴Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

 ⁵For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; ⁶and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; ⁷and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. ⁸For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. ⁹But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.

 ¹⁰Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, ¹¹and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Don’t get discouraged when you stumble in doubt but pray.  God WILL help you back up.  The spiritual growth in your faith is an important part of living more peacefully here on earth.  It helps you ward off Satan’s temptation like the shield it was designed to be.   Spiritual growth is not a condition to enter heaven, thankfully, for our Savior, Jesus Christ has already paid the admission fee and generously given us the faith to believe it.

Start and end your day with prayer.  Believe and don’t doubt … God’s certain and unchanging promises here tell us he will give it to you.

 ²²It is of the LORD’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.   ²³They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. 

1 Corinthians 1:9
“God is faithful, by whom ye were called unto the
fellowship of his Son Jesus Christ our Lord.”

Lord, what mercies await me today?  No matter what events are ahead of me, through the faith and strength you provide I can be certain you are here.  How faithful and true are your promises!  Lead me and guide me to do your will…as God wills it…nothing more….northing less.

What a beautiful prayer the words of this hymn are:

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my father!
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not:
As thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

 Chorus
Great is Thy faithfulness,
Great is Thy faithfulness,
Morning by morning new mercies I see:
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!

Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

 Chorus
Great is Thy faithfulness,
Great is Thy faithfulness,
Morning by morning new mercies I see:
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth.
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide,
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Chorus
Great is Thy faithfulness,
Great is Thy faithfulness,
Morning by morning new mercies I see:
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!

Lord, I trust all that I need today will be provided.  Thanks and praise to you my faithful Lord.

 This morning, this verse from Psalm 68 is the first thing I’ve read from scripture.   How I love to sing praises to the Lord!  Embedded in this verse is a reason to sing his praises…father to the fatherless, defender of widows is God in his holy dwelling.

The verse prompted me to consider God as defender of widows…widow a descriptive term I still grapple with to my own situation.  How is God my defender?

He allows me to call on him and ask him to defend me…He’s my contender in earthly trouble!

Awake, and rise to my defense! Contend for me, my God and Lord.  Psalm 35:23

How impossible it is for me to get through one day without sin.  What great comfort there is knowing he provides my greatest defense.  My one defense when I meet God face to face is Jesus, Christ, the Righteous One!

My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One.  I John 2:1-3

He calls to us to let our hands defend this precious, good news of the Gospel of Jesus here on earth.

The latter do so in love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel.  Philippians 1:16

Consider how one might defend the gospel to your loved one suffering from addiction…

…can you lovingly point to the law of God in scriptures so He can work through his Word to convict them?

…can you lovingly share this precious good news with the confidence of God our defender so they might be saved?

Change in ones heart takes time, often requiring the same message from scripture to be repeated with patience and love.

God’s work of the Holy Spirit which he sends us for the asking produces the fruit.  If you are frightened or discouraged, remember he is our Defender and Praise Him!

My devotion this morning is focused on the first part of the book of Joshua.  Here in God’s word are such amazing recurring descriptions of God’s Power, God’s Demand for Obedience to the Law, God’s Judgment, and God’s Encouragement.

Consider…God parted the waters of the Jordan which were at flood stage when the ark of the covenant carried by the priests entered the water.  God addressed Joshua to be courageous…be strong…I will deliver…do this.

Consider…God delivered city and nation after city and nation into the hand of his people.

Consider…Jesus invitation and promise in Matthew:

Rest for the Weary

 ²⁵At that time Jesus said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. ²⁶Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure.

 ²⁷“All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.

 ²⁸“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

I woke this morning with a prayer on my lips and joy in my heart.  My Lord, whom I praise has given me another day.  I have another day to learn about him, serve him in the work he has prepared for me, praise him.  The God who created the universe, looked on the sinful condition of man, and sent his only Son to pay the entire price of sin to save us is immeasurably greater than me. 

Lord, creator of the universe, who authors and controls the events of each day for the benefit of your children.  Help us to see in days of trouble your refining work at hand.  Help us to praise you in days of happiness for providing rest from our troubles.  Help us to rejoice in you, always.

“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”

I invite you to rejoice and mourn with me.   This morning I will rejoice and mourn with you.

How hard it is when you are living in a household with a loved one battling addictions to find reasons for rejoicing!  How hard it is when someone you loved dies and you are grieving to find reasons for rejoicing!  Yet, God does for us amazing things every day even in times of trouble.  Perhaps you could say, especially in times of trouble. ⁶who gave himself as a ransom for all men—the testimony given in its proper time.

Today, Yesterday, and Tomorrow God has given us these promises:

³This is good, and pleases God our Savior, ⁴who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. ⁵For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, ⁶who gave himself as a ransom for all men—the testimony given in its proper time.  1 Tim 2:3-6

^______

³⁷No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:37-39

_____

³¹So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³²For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.  Matthew 6:31-34

^______

¹³Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. ¹⁴Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. ¹⁵And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. ¹⁶Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

 ¹⁷Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. ¹⁸Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops. ¹⁹My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, ²⁰remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins.  James 5:13-20

You may be thinking the reason I’m mourning today is the loss of my loved ones.   In fact, my grief is focused on the implications of financial struggles on God’s Holy Christian church.  The thought that necessary and difficult choices are being made by those appointed leads to pull back called servants from the mission fields weighs heavily on me today.  The thought that one single soul may not receive the nurturing of the scriptures to strenghthen and preserve them in the early growth of their faith grieves me.

Please join me in my prayer.

Lord, you are the very creator of the universe.  Your desire for all men to be saved is inconceivable given our sinful condition.  Forgive us Lord when the challenges facing us today cause us to doubt and not turn to you with the eyes and ears of faith you give us.  Strenghthen us in this time of need and lead us to you in prayer, through the scriptures and hymns of praise.  Give us eyes of faith to rejoice in the financial challenges to see your will and purpose … trusting this trouble is amazing opportunity for you to show your glory.  Help us to see how immeasurably great you are and praise and worship you alone.  Help us to trust that every decision which is made personally and in your precious church will be used to accomplish your purpose.  Thank you, Lord, for using these times of trouble to lead me straight to you.  Amen

And when the Israelites saw the great power the LORD displayed against the Egyptians, the people feared the LORD and put their trust in him and in Moses his servant.

Exodus 16:2, 6-8

² In the desert the whole community grumbled against Moses and Aaron.

⁶ So Moses and Aaron said to all the Israelites, “In the evening you will know that it was the LORD who brought you out of Egypt, ⁷ and in the morning you will see the glory of the LORD, because he has heard your grumbling against him. Who are we, that you should grumble against us?” ⁸ Moses also said, “You will know that it was the LORD when he gives you meat to eat in the evening and all the bread you want in the morning, because he has heard your grumbling against him. Who are we? You are not grumbling against us, but against the LORD.”

….this is so me.  With God’s help; I thank, praise and give him glory for delivering me from big trouble one minute and when the next trouble pops up shortly after I’ve already forgotten it is God who provides for my every need.  Thankfully, God keeps drawing me back in through his Word. 

God tells us through his inspired Word…over and over and over again:

“I am the Lord….”

“I am the God….”

Who is this God?

• Creator of the universe
• Savior of all
• King for all eternity
• Deliverer
• Comforter
• Father
• Holy
• Provider
• Perfect
• Just

I’ve been just plain silly lately.  You may have noticed my posts have been less frequent since March.  Here’s what happened.  I had placed a list of five major things on my refridgerator containing the biggest items I had to address after my husbands death.  The list remained for 2 weeks with minimal progress.  Slowly, God showed me 2 things.  I had taken my eyes off Him as the source of my strength and failed to see when to ask for help.  The list went up 8 weeks ago.

One of the emotions in the grieving process is a sense you lack control.  Compare it to the lack of control you seem to have over the situation where your loved one is battling an addiction.   As I had started each task, stumbling blocks were put in my way and the effort I put in seemed to fail or be delayed.  My immediate response was I can’t do this.  Why do I have to do this?  I avoided the tasks.  I excused my inaction.  God didn’t give up on me.  When I prayed to him for help, he sent it but in each task it was not sent directly through me but through the helping hands he sent.

James 5:13-16

¹³Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. ¹⁴Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. ¹⁵And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. ¹⁶Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

Now, I’ve relearned this lesson – confess your sins to each other and pray for each other that you may be healed (spiritually).  I’m back to praying and reading the scriptures daily.  My trust in God is restored.  Three of the tasks have now been accomplished with help and encouragement from the appropriate resources. 

What happened?  I prayed for my sins of sloth and placing my trust in myself to accomplish this task and I discussed each of the issues with different individuals and found help when I swallowed my pride.  God forgave me and my friends were compassionate.

Lord, you are the very creator of the universe.  Lord, you order all things.  We praise you for all the circumstances you send into our lives.  Help us Lord to see your will in the events around us.  Help us to ask “What’s in it for God” rather than “What’s in it for me”.  You give us your faithful promise in Luke that you will send your Holy Spirit to those who ask for you are far more loving than our sinful, earthly fathers.  Send us a generous portion of your Holy Spirit today and help all those struggling with family members who are caught up in addictions to do your will with each task in the work you have prepared for us.  Teach us through your spirit, God, to Trust In You.  Amen

How can I describe this week?  I was caught in a holding pattern or so I thought.  The emotions of grief overwhelmed me, every step forward seemed to come with two steps backward, and each attempt to take control of the situation around me seemed to demonstrate my lack of control.  I lost my temper, cried, was frustrated, discouraged, and could not see progress toward what I believed to be the work God has created for me.  The more I saw how I was failing to live up to the righteous standard God sets the more depressed I became.  So why write about it?

This morning in my reading of scripture God helped me see the irony between what I was looking at and the reality of what has occurred this week.

Here’s a definition of irony from Webster’s dictionary:

3 a (1): incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result

My expectations were out of sync about what work God has created for me today and I was tempted into emphasis on the future along with it’s worries.  I thought I was waiting and all along God had me working. 

I just didn’t see it until I searched the scriptures this morning looking for a way to understand the race I am to run.  Consider, as I did this morning, God’s description in His word about the race we are running:

^{2 Timothy 4:6-8}

⁶For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. ⁷I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. ⁸Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.

^{Galations 5:6-8}

⁶For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.

 ⁷You were running a good race. Who cut in on you and kept you from obeying the truth? ⁸That kind of persuasion does not come from the one who calls you.

Hebrews 12:1-3

¹Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. ²Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart

Acts 20:23-24

²³I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. ²⁴However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace.

Ecclesiastes 9:10-12

¹⁰ Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, ^[a] where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.

 ¹¹ I have seen something else under the sun:
       The race is not to the swift
       or the battle to the strong,
       nor does food come to the wise
       or wealth to the brilliant
       or favor to the learned;
       but time and chance happen to them all.

 ¹² Moreover, no man knows when his hour will come:
       As fish are caught in a cruel net,
       or birds are taken in a snare,
       so men are trapped by evil times
       that fall unexpectedly upon them.

Psalm 33:16-22

¹⁶ No king is saved by the size of his army;
       no warrior escapes by his great strength.

 ¹⁷ A horse is a vain hope for deliverance;
       despite all its great strength it cannot save.

 ¹⁸ But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,
       on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,

 ¹⁹ to deliver them from death
       and keep them alive in famine.

 ²⁰ We wait in hope for the LORD;
       he is our help and our shield.

 ²¹ In him our hearts rejoice,
       for we trust in his holy name.

 ²² May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD,
       even as we put our hope in you.

I’ve longed for the Lord to bless me in two ways and grown dissatisfied because His timing is different than mine.  My expectations of what the role to encourage and comfort those who are suffering in a similar way would play out.  Lord, forgive me is my prayer this morning and I am forgiven for Jesus has already paid the debt. 

Then, God opened my eyes to see how He had encouraged and comforted others through my hands this week:

• looked after a young man who was quite ill
• encouraged a woman who was discouraged about adoption proceedings
• lifted up a small group through hymns of praise and thanksgiving
• encouraged two woman grieving the loss of their fathers and a man who had lost his mother
• encouraged a woman caring more than six months for a husband recovering from a stroke
• encouraged three woman by honoring them as my mothers
• encouraged a young woman facing the uncertainty of finding a job in a new place
• fed numerous youngsters a good meal
• completed most of my work tasks encouraging my manager things would get done without intervention
• encouraged a woman who has recently been beaten by her husband still struggling to recover from an addiction

Do you see the pure irony here?  All the while, I was struggling with my own sinfulness, emotions, weakness of faith…there was God strengthening my faith, encouraging others, helping me to do the work he had prepared for me. 

Saint & Sinner: Pure Irony

Lord, we praise you and thank you for your saving grace which provides the confident assurance we will receive the crown of victory from you – because you promise us this as a gift and we cannot earn it on our own.  We thank you for this gift of faith, which comes from hearing the message through your word.  Help us to express our faith in love to those around us…even virtually.  Keep our eyes fixed on Jesus and our hope firmly in you.  We praise you for each and every blessing.  Help us to trust you, your perfect plan and its timing for each blessing.  Amen

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

“I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is
determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition.”
- Martha Washington

God does the heavy lifting!  He tells us this in Matthew 11:29-30

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

My yoke is easy…when you place your trust in God doing the hard part to change your loved hearts and providing the strength, courage and wisdom you need to respond according to His Will when he calls you take action – there’s no need to worry.  After all, God created the very universe and so loved the world that he gave his only son to die for us; who better is there to place our trust in his promises?

In those moments when you place your trust in God, no matter how difficult the struggle – you will find a peace that is indescribable but you will know what perfect peace is.  What an amazing biproduct … from the gift of faith God provides! 

Remember, Faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ.  Romans 10:17

If you are troubled today, your attitude is foul, you are looking for comfort, open your bible and ask God in prayer to let you hear the message.

Take Heart and let God do the heavy lifting.